Obligatory Journal Post #3.14: In which nothing happens.

< Rant >

So I met my friend's mother on the bus the other day.

We got talking. She asked about my family, my dog, studies et al. Eventually the question of 'What I want to become when I grow up' turned up.
"To be honest Auntie, I haven't really decided yet." I replied.
To which she (not surprisingly) said, "Haww!? But Mollika, you should have decided by now no!?"

Well, here's the thing, Auntie:
No. I haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up yet. And I'm in no hurry. There's a world of endless possibilities out there, so what's the rush?
Over the years, I've changed my mind a few dozen times, with regard to the profession I'd like to pick. So it would be archaeologist one day, chef the next, and then croupier, marine biologist, veterinary surgeon over the next few days.
So yeah, one could say I've given the subject a lot of thought.

Here's what I've come up with, so far:
We have just one life to live. Then why spend it doing something we hate? And even if we do come back, there's a high possibility that we might be reincarnated as cockroaches. And cockroaches can't be blackjack dealers now, can they? Didn't think so.
So what, then? Doctor? Pilot? Landscape architect?
Screw all that.
You know what I want to be :when: I grow up?
I want to be happy. Whatever I end up doing, I want to be happy.


< /Rant >

"The best fantasy is written in the language of dreams. It is alive as dreams are alive, more real than real... for a moment at least... that long magic moment before we wake. Fantasy is silver and scarlet, indigo and azure, obsidian veined with gold and lapis lazuli. Reality is plywood and plastic, done up in mud brown and olive drab. Fantasy tastes of habaneros and honey, cinnamon and cloves, rare red meat and wines as sweet as summer. Reality is beans and tofu, and ashes at the end. Reality is the strip malls of Burbank, the smoke-stacks of Cleveland, a parking garage in Newark. Fantasy is the towers of Minas Tirith, the ancient stones of Gormenghast, the halls of Camelot. Fantasy flies on the wings of Icarus, reality on Southwest airlines. Why do our dreams become so much smaller when they finally come true?


We read fantasy to find the colors again, I think. To taste strong spices and hear the song the sirens sang. There is something old and true in fantasy that speaks to something deep within us, to the child who dreamt that one day he would hunt the forests of the night, and feast beneath the hollow hills, and find a love to last forever, somewhere south of Oz and north of Shangri-La.


They can keep their heaven. When I die, I'd sooner go to Middle Earth."

-George R.R. Martin.

And people ask me why I read his books.

Obligatory Journal post #73: In which I do one of those slam book-ish challenges.

Truth be told, I've never really done any of these challenges. I always thought they were stupid. This one seemed different from the usual "What's your star sign?" bullsh1t, so I thought I'd give it a go.

Basically, I cross out everything on this list that's true about me. So yeah, here goes nothing.

Appearance

• I have/had piercings besides the ears.
• I want piercings besides the ears.
• I have many scars.
• I tan easily.
• I wish my hair was a different color.
• I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
• I have/want a tattoo.
• I can be self-conscious about my appearance.
• I have/had braces. (retainers) 
• I have more than two piercings.  (3, actually; because of a piercing accident back whenever. It counts.)

Embarrassment

• Disney movies still make me cry.
• I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
• I’ve glued my hand to something.
• I’ve laughed until some kind of beverage came out of my nose
• I’ve had my pants rip in public.
• I’ve touched something sharp/hot/etc to see if it would hurt.

Health

• I’ve gotten stitches.
• I’ve broken or dislocated a bone.
• I’ve had my tonsils removed.
• I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
• I’ve had chicken pox.

Travel

• I’ve been to Florida.
• I’ve driven/ridden over 200 kilometers in one day.
• I’ve been on a plane.
• I’ve been to Colombia
• I’ve been to Cuba.
• I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
• I’ve been to Ottawa
• I’ve been to the Caribbean.
• I’ve been to Europe.

Experiences

• I’ve gotten lost in my city.
• I’ve seen a shooting star.
• I’ve wished on a shooting star.
• I’ve seen a meteor shower.
• I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas. 
• I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
• I’ve slapped someone.
• I’ve kissed someone underwater.
• I’ve chugged something.
• I’ve crashed a car.
• I’ve been skiing.
• I’ve been in a musical.
• I’ve auditioned for something.
• I’ve been on stage.
• I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
• I’ve sat on a rooftop at night.
• I’ve pranked someone.
• I’ve ridden in a taxi.

Honesty / Crime

• I’ve been threatened to be arrested. 
• I’ve broken a law.
• I’ve done something I promised someone I wouldn’t.
• I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
• I’ve sneaked out.
• I’ve lied about my whereabouts.
• I’ve cheated while playing a game.
• I’ve been in a fist fight.

Death

• I’m afraid of dying.
• I hate funerals.
• I’ve seen someone/something die.
• Someone close to me has attempted/committed suicide.
• I have attempted suicide.
• I’ve thought about suicide before.
• I’ve written a eulogy for myself. 

Materialism

• I own over 5 rap CD’s.
• I’m obsessed with anime/manga.
• I collected comic books. 
• I own a lot of makeup. 
• I own something from Pac Sun.
• I own something from The Gap.
• I own something I got on E-Bay.
• I own something from Abercrombie.
• I thrive on compliments.
• I thrive on hate.

Random

• I can sing low key.
• I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
• I open up to others easily.
• I watch the news occasionally or always.
• I don’t like to kill bugs.
• I sing in the shower.
• I’m a morning person.
• I’m a sports fanatic. 
• I twirl my hair.
• I care about grammar.
• I love spam.
• I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day.
• I bake well.
• My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, blue, red, black, purple, or orange.
• I would wear pajamas to school.
• I like Martha Stewart.
• I laugh at my own jokes. (LIKE A FUCKING BOSS)
• I eat fast food weekly.
• I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
• I can’t sleep if there’s a spider in the room.
• I’m really ticklish.
• I like white chocolate.
• I bite my nails.
• I’m good at remembering names.
• I’m good at remembering dates.
• I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

People

• ..used to ask if I was anorexic/bulimic.
• ..called me fat.
• ..say I’m skinny.
• ..have said I’m ugly.
• ..have said I’m pretty. 
• ..have spread rumors about me.
• ..force me to eat. 
• ..say I eat too much.
• ..say I eat too little.

Eating

• I’ve lost weight.
• I’ve gained weight.
• I’m at my thinnest.
• I’m at my biggest.
• I’ve lost weight and kept it off.
• I’ve lost weight, but gained it back.  (God Fucking Dammit!)
• My weight affects my mood. A lot.
• I diet. 
• I’m vegan/vegetarian.
• I exercise.
• I’ve fainted from exhaustion. 

Family

• I’ve sworn at my parents.
• I’ve planned to run away from home before.
• I’ve run away from home.
• My biological parents are together.
• I have a sibling less than one year old.
• I want kids.
• I’ve had kids.
• I’ve lost a child.

Relationships

• I’m engaged.
• I’m married.
• I’m a swinger.
• I’ve gone on a blind date.
• I have/had a friend with benefits.
• I miss someone right now.
• I have a fear of abandonment.
• I’ve gotten divorced.
• I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
• Someone has/had feelings for me when I didn’t have them back.
• I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
• I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
• I’ve kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality

• I’m a cuddler.
• I’ve been kissed in the rain.
• I’ve hugged a stranger.
• I’ve kissed a stranger.

Bad times

• I regularly drink.
• I can't swallow pills 
• I can swallow numerous pills at a time without difficulty.
• I’ve been diagnosed with depression at some point. 
• I have/had anxiety problems.
• I shut others out when I’m upset.
• I don’t have anyone to talk to when I’m upset. 
• I have taken/take anti-depressants.
• I’ve slept an entire day before.
• I’ve plotted revenge.

One of those days again.

The dull, throbbing light from the laptop.
The sharp, pounding pain in my head. The dinner burning with a vengeance in my stomach.
The wave after wave of Japanese and Korean pop music my playlist is chucking at me.

Alright World, you win. I can't get the fuck to sleep.

Now I'll probably stay up till 2am, pondering about the significance of Oxford Commas, or crying my eyes out to some Radiohead song.
Someone up there must really, really hate me.

Happy Diwali from the Maiti/Sarkar/Biswas household!

It's that time of year again.

There's that familiar, choking, sulphurous odour in the air; thick smoke clouds the streets which are pitch-black, save for the loud explosions, whizzes and the bright orange glow from the same at random.

Wartime? Nay, think again.
This is Diwali in a nutshell.

Here's wishing all of you some of you whoever gets to read this a happy festival of lights. Buy new clothes, eat calorie-laden sweets, burst crackers. Whatever floats your boat, i guess.

On a completely different note, however: I've never quite understood the concept of buying new clothes for Diwali. Sure, okay, so you want to dress up for the Lakshmi Puja (Kali Pujo for us bongs). That's swell. But lighting crackers while you're wearing your precious Mysore Silk saree, what have you, is ridiculous. Go ahead and wear one anyway, if you want to burn yourself alive, while i laugh at you in my old, crappy pajamas, armed with my agarbatti.

Nah, kidding. BUT SRSLY.

Right. I'll take my leave now. I must go burst crackers till my lungs pass out, set off Mr. Neighbour's car alarms, and claim my right to light the fuse on the 1000-wala. It's Diwali, so it's allowed.
I guess.
Whatay fun.

Chee. What crap I've written in the past few days. Atrocious. :[

Melancholy Molly and the Infinite Sadness/Sickness.

‎1 ‎October ‎2011.

I hate October.

Okay, so i don't hate October.  Who could possibly hate it, what with the advent of Autumn, leaves turning regal shades of golden, warm blankets, Halloween et al.
And my birthday's just a little over a month away too. Oh joy.

It's just that every year, October always brings with it a smorgasbord of diseases which i'm most likely to get.
Flu, fever, bronchitis, laryngitis, food poisoning...I'm a sickly kid.

It's hardly fair, is it? I mean, the extremely grueling two-week period of mid-term exams had just ended yesterday. Party time, right?
Wrong, apparently. I have to sit home with a raging viral fever, acute pharyngitis and tonsilitis while everybody else is out on exotic vacations, celebrating the end of mid-terms.
FFFFUUUUU-

On the bright side however, I can finally start reading all the novels (26, to be precise) i have stockpiled since the summer. Yay.