Thursday, August 16, 2012

I am not a radish.

A few days ago, while sitting in class and talking of inconsequential things between mouthfuls of someone's lunch, the subject of crying came up. One thing led to another, and everyone's most depressing experiences were being shared. I, not being one to contribute to such conversations with ease, just shut up and listened to everyone else.
"You know Snickerdoodle, I've never seen you cry before. I mean, everyone else here I've seen, but not you," says one girl.
An awkward silence ensues, followed by some awkward laughing.
What I find funny about this entire ordeal is that just the day before, I shut myself in my room, put on Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind [Which, according to a friend, is a movie people such as myself would particularly like. I don't know what he meant.], and had a good, long cry about everything in general.
A catharsis of sorts.

:Some: people seem to think that I'm some confident, feeling-less, chilled out sonofabitch.
I'm quite curious as to where they get this idea from.
Truth be told, I'm an emotionally volatile mess. I take the stupidest of things too seriously. Usually by the end of a week I'm ready to burst from all the repressed anger, tears and bile. And I'm especially secretive about these things.
But people need to stop assuming that just because I don't make a public display of my emotions, that I'm an emotionless, sarcastic piece of shit. Heck, for a while I had started to believe it too.

I may be sarcastic.
I may be a piece of shit.
I most likely will not tell you even if I feel like I've sunk to the lowest of the low.
But I am not emotionless. Just because I don't cry in public, does not make me a radish.

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