Fresher Flash Flood.

This is a thing. I wrote this thing roughly a month ago. Things have changed a bit since, but these feelings bubble up occasionally.

Evernote FTW.

Updated Jun 20, 2013

I have been attending college for just over a week now. The culture shock isn't as much as I'd expected; the population is as diverse as diverse gets, and everyone has a decent enough demeanor. Nobody bothers or picks on each other, so long as said victim isn't being a huge prick.

It's just as the Internet said it would be.

However, what no amount of askreddit threads and yahoo answers about college could ever prepare me for is the horrible loneliness.

The loneliness that stems from not sharing common interests with almost anybody, leaving you, quite often, with no one to talk to; no one to freak out about things with you. I suppose that's the price you have to pay for possessing such a vast, diverse college student population around yourself.

That, and the dreaded feeling of you being deluged by the fresher flash flood. A sickening amalgam of the despair of drifting apart from the rest of the crowd, and the hopelessness of not being able to do anything about it.

There's so much change. It's almost too much to experience all at once, and at the end of it all, you're all alone. Floundering, gasping for breath in your own little puddle of misery and self-pity.

#1386135: In which I drabble and vent, and drabble some more; So you could skip this post if you want.

Fuck you, Lennox. Fuck you.

Ah well, you know what?
It's not your fault my Lit paper was so shitty. Sorry.
:bro hug:
My own fault.
In retrospect, I should have read everything again.
Just one more time could have made all the difference.
In retrospect, I shouldn't have stayed up for so long.
Even after the epilepsy stint and years of meds, I treat my health like shit.

Retrospect is a bitch.

----------------

In honour of botching up my Literature exam, and life treating me like a pile of crap for the past few days, I put on my headphones, played a 34 minute recording of a rainstorm, sat next to the window and looked outside like I was in a sad music video.

Yes I have a 34 minute long recording of a rainstorm on my iPod.
Why? Because fuck you that's why ASFGHJKKJFFHJK


-----------------

Thoughts toward the end of all the exams I've written this year:
- Screw this. Screw studying. I'm going to be a hippie.
- Hippies don't take baths. Ma and Papa will kick me out of the house.
- I'll sell my kidneys. No big deal.
- Maybe I'll finally accomplish my lifelong dream of becoming a croupier on a cruise ship.
- I'll raise sheep on a farm, somewhere in the hills. Sheep are fun.
- I'll practice karate and meditate in the Himalayas.
- But I like my room. ;_;

#MCMXCIV: People tell me I'm a quiet person.

Up until recently, I was convinced that not many people were interested in my opinions. I had grown accustomed to the monosyllabic responses I would receive from everyone. I was under the pretext that nobody ever listened to anything I said and thus became the "I have to tell you something, but you probably think it's silly so I don't want to impose my thoughts on you" kind of person. It felt like people were doing me a favor by listening to me.


Hence the quietness.


Depressing, non?

I couldn't be further from the truth.

It turns out I do have a bunch of people who care about me enough to listen to everything (well, almost everything) I have to say, however absurd it might be. And the fact that I do hesitate to tell them just anything might be rubbing them the wrong way. They of all people deserve to know what I think.
I figured this out just now. :facepalm:


Henceforth, when I feel like I need to say something, I'll say it.
Or I'll try, at least.
Ok.


Maiti out!